The emotionally and financially damage is done and cannot be corrected, as one cannot travel back in time. He told me they have not had sex yet and that their relationship of 7 months started as friends, then best friends then relationship. It allows me to have the power to NOT RESPOND to my ex after more then a year who has been texting and calling for the past few weeks. And maybe that is not the case but my guess is the narc is trying to reinvent himself on the surface to impress the new supply but you and I both know who his TRUE self is inside. I would say the attention and looks were the main thing that drew me in, but really it was a very similar sense of humor and articulate manner of speaking. Thanks. Enough is enough. Ultimately, he divorced me saying that he could not be with anyone who saw him as his abuser. My answer was.. Ok but remember and dont forget your words and feelings anymore then. Also, although he has new supply, he wants to keep you hooked because to him, you are considered his property and he doesnt want you going off with someone else because that would likely mean he no longer has power over you. The ex didnt look happy; he looked kind of bustedfaded jeans, a old work shirt and boots on unlaced; cigarette hanging from his mouth. So now i did not hear from him clearly. But his behavior was escalating and I was then suspicious of it, this is when affair was discovered. Narcissists pull the ghost card because they see it as a recharging period for their ex-partner. The only reason why there was any communication in April of this year is because he was snooping on my LinkedIn profile. Then one day, my roommate said,hes such a damn narcissist! And a light went off!!!!! He came back home slowly moved his stuff back in the span of two days told my best friend a lie on where he was going. They Choose to act like this !!.. Others who actually saw things go down actually stepped up to say what happened. They're ignoring you and making themselves inaccessible to you. As a Christian, I dont want to have sex until I am married but I also wouldnt move in with someone either. He didnt acknowledge anything and said I was slandering him (typical) and blamed me essentially for all of his bad behavior. Mothers of their children, doesn't matter. I dont know what to do, but I need to do SOMETHING because Im in limbo. When I finally put my foot down and opened my own bank accounts because I was tired of him keeping us broke I was being selfish. Ran into him and his dog and he said Hi Becky, stopped and looked pensive as too who was on the beach. {{HUGS}}, I have been with a narc or sociopath, I am still learning the subtlety of personality disorders. But its only temporary because they soon return to start the cycle all over again. Do you think a hoover will come soon or is this the final discard? Its maddening. For example, lets say that you were to use the no contact rule on your ex boyfriend for 30 days. So, having read on all these since 2009 so far, I concluded, THIS IS MY VERY SUBJECTIVE CONCLUSION, I WOULDNT TELL ANYONE TO TAKE THIS AT THE FACE VALUE.. all Cluster B disorders COME WITH NPD ANYWAY. Wow this letter sounds like my soon to be X, Kevin! 2 years into the relationship I found on facebook that he had moved in with one of the women on the telephone bill. I wouldnt dare to diagnose your woman, just an opinion( Ive been/am in what is known as Psychopathic Mob 7 people (how about this?)). Learn how your comment data is processed. If not, then she may be a psycho, who isnt BPD. He will never make a good partner with anyone and is destined to go through life never knowing real happiness. It is sooo difficult when they are the nice narcissist. and smile and seriously hug your little one- you will get you both out and that will be the beginning of your new life without the crazy nonsense! 2. 2. Thank you. They need to take time to reflect and heal. Narcs cant hide their true selves for long. its been a month and he popped up again. (this is allowed by law, as opposed to you are the NPD, in this country, at least). The claws they hook into you are insane. Then new girl says I dont know him, he is happy now and she thinks she knows him better after 3 months than i did for 20 years. Later that week Im on the beach, and here they come while tending her dogs he stood next to me and small talk. It depends on how long you two have been together. Same thing moved in and almost immediate the Narc mask started slipping. He started putting likes on my posts on Instagram. My ex was with another woman last year who apparently was his best friend. There is one thing that is different with a narcissist. His kids are apparently very well behaved, and maybe he deals with her much like he does his kids. Click Image to Order via Amazon. I meant that sometimes really nice, trusting people lack adequate boundaries. I was told by a female lawyer friend of mine that I have more than enough in my text messages to and from her concerning the exchange of the $3,000 to win in court. This is the same selfish shite who left me in debt with unpaid bills, and in the time that he had stayed in my house he had bought two investment properties and of course he also left me his cat. When I rebuked him and told him his gf wouldnt like that then he said they werent sexual. I told to myself by Reading all those storys here i will never let him get to me like that and now he haves his way again. She tells me that its usually when she is feeling weak after a cocaine comedown its all very difficult to accept. On the anniversary of his mothers death he sent a text to remind me. I dont take suicide lightly, so I advise you to seek professional help if it ever comes to this. He is lying to her about his finances and tells her I am trying to turn the kids against him, which could not be further from the truth. So, Im curious if the things I said hit home and he is just too proud to admit that Im right. Everyday its a struggle to get back to myself and he has caused so much emotional damage. Im entering the no contact phase but still I want to talk to him. Ughh. I finish my call then I text himyes?. What would you do if I wasnt here to support you? After hearing statements like this all the time, you eventually start believing it, and your self-esteem suffers. But he has taught me the game so now I am always one step ahead of him. That is what I meant when I say this type is often harder to get over. Does it transfer to the OW? It has been over 2 yrs that my ex broke up w me according to him because I send an old guy friend a meme I LOVE YOU FRIENDETC SEND TO 15 OF YOUR FRIENDS. I cannot stop thinking of the narcissist that Ive had an on and off relationship with for 7 yrs. I cannot describe it. But today and yesterday i miss him. I view them as keeping me away from productive things. The illness ot causes tumors has been back for 10 months.New and long gone with the other woman, I am not part of his circle of friends and family. Its one big mind game. The only reason theyve mentioned therapy is to manipulate you. Does that make sense Kim? His dad just loved that dog more than anything. Thanks Anon, if he only cares about appearances why is he so indifferent to losing the material things he once treasured so highly?? Not only were they kind, caring, giving, and compassionate, but they gave you the best sex of your life. See, before he went to my landladys house, he didnt really know I was purposely in no contact mode. Pfffft, again masking, trying to show me he has moved on and how me asking him to leave has not affected him. Thats my very intention for writing them . I keep in touch how it goes when i hear from him. And most Ns dont have the will to face themselves. Now, I dont know if that unhappy look was due to the way I lookedlike he might have been thinking..damn! The plain people are t so perfect my heart aches for what I know and Im so grateful for my station in life and enjoy that out here in my English world, I have means to escape if I need to. Dont even say yes if they ask you something. Domestic Violence Advocate didnt help. I am so glad this site exist. The Narcissist will make their partner feel incredible, and have answers to seemingly everything. If I tell him off about his narc behavior he accepts it. Be careful Eden. The narcissist has no real identity, only an illusion of themselves built on their ability to control other people. http://www.stovolando.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/Screen-Shot-2013-11-10-at-20.06.04.png. I just think he knows everything I do for him and no one else will be that way what do you think. Its not your job to stay friends with this person on FB so they can cyber-stalk you. Sad really. Reading your situation makes me feel not so alone after all. A coward who will never know true love. John is a novelist, writer, entrepreneur, and consultant, whose best consulting is focused on what he did that others should avoid. I just got an email last week after 7 years. I have been going to therapy for the month and will be moving out next month. You probably want to feel like he has some kind of feelings inside so he has some humanity inside and you would feel more connected if he was also suffering. Im not sure he actually paid attention to what I looked like, but one thing is for sure, I didnt look like that all the time when we were together. A lot harder. Thats the weakness of women who loves so much. That would suck. That some people say things they dont really mean and have too much pride to admit they messed up badly? As far as I know she is still with the new BF who she has now been with for going on one year. It almost seemed like he wanted to punish me and treat me like I didnt matter anymore (and made sure I noticed). I spent so much money on marriage counseling only for me to look like the crazy one while he played the victim dealing with my erratic outbursts. If narcissists dont give us closure, then even their absence can cause us pain. In simple, the narcissist creates a belief in you (even without your knowledge) that you are unsuitable for any relationship. Id like to thank this message board also, without going no-contact id likely be floating in the nothingness that is a relationship with a Narc. They had bled their partner dry of all the narcissistic supply they had and left when they had nothing left to give. I also have a special needs child and my ex is telling her that i am an alcoholic which of course is not true, but see similarities, so she thinks she needs to protect him because she is fighting her demons and he has triangulated her, the perfect target, she can try attack me which comes from her issues and he gets off on that. proclamations of love When I finally called him out on his need for attention via social media and with her, guess what he did? Well, the first thing youll want to do is make sure you file for custody. If I have a problem he is good because of course they always know the right things to say. I love you, with all of my soul and I love US. I wish it where not. Then i wrote angree letters and did not hear from him till now. Woke up with my heart beating . I am not happy as love sick single on holiday. The question is whether your ex-partner will treat you any differently now that youre no longer together. There is a hidden message in everything they say. But in the meantime we are just friend. You may feel obsessed with the idea that by going back over every word and action that took place between you, you can see into the future. and i fell in to his loving show and words.. then he dumped me again because he is so confused. I let my ex N in as a friend. When it comes to the ex-partners of a narcissist, they fall into two categories. I couldnt handle this so I blew up, he left me the second time over this woman, we divorced that year, he said he had fallen out of love with me because I had become this crazy non trusting woman, and I had hurt him to the poin that something had snapped inside. He looked hurt but Im glad I was able to say that to him because it provided closure for me. This describes to a T the way I have been treated for the last four years I have been conditioned to wait and look forward to the next time we will spend together as she distances / hides away then draws me back in while I make excuses for her when Im asked questions about why she treats me like this . I just hope this doesnt turn out to me a disaster. He is bi sexual. I pray you have found a Christian counselor who can help you to truly forgive all those you need to forgive and to receive the necessary healing to move forward, however God may lead you. In all you wrote what stood out for me is your son. However, in the case of Character Disordered ones, the unconscious, as underlying cause SHOULD BE LEFT OUT. But in the end, I was just used as a reference so she could copy, and a mirror so she could see herself. Moreover, we need more information on disordered females. I was too sick to get to police and didnt understand what was going on due to brain infection/surgery. He says I put him down and I dont trust him. What she did do was lie, manipulate, triangulate relationships, curt me off a handful of times, etc. He called back repeatedly, sent 17 emails in a 12 hour period. Painful none the less. I was convinced that walking away would somehow make her the winner (we were like rivals at one point). If Im not sure about something, its okay if it doesnt quite work but when I know that I want something I dont want anything to get in the way. He sold it. Never happy, always thinking of nobody else but themselves. I broke no contact. After months of drama and him being distant (but at the same time saying he loved me and that he wanted to grow old with me), I broke up with him. Reading Suggestion: How to Piss Off a Narcissist? We went on a date twenty years ago, as we were from the same home town and attended rival high schools. Of course theres the comments that his life is way better than mine, slotting in sly remarks, but trying to maintain the perfect faade that he is untouchable and the dream partner girls drool over That he truly still loves and cares for me laying on the oozing charm and sympathy tears, wanting only friendship. | Let Me Reach with Kim Saeed, https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=1&cad=rja&uact=8&ved=0CCIQ0kMoADAA&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.suicidepreventionlifeline.org%2F&ei=irtgVfLuEcqayASNhYHgCg&usg=AFQjCNE4Hv6RcsQlZUZgKuDddDBWMWUwvw&sig2=0EH5yuP0YMqLmaEdMf7V6w&bvm=bv.93990622,d.aWw, http://letmereach.com/2014/10/06/why-do-i-feel-so-attached-to-my-narcissistic-ex/, The Narcissist, the Ex, and the New Girlfriend The Art of Triangulation | Let Me Reach with Kim Saeed, The REAL Reason the Narcissist Comes Back After No Contact | freefromnarcissisticabuse, Vanilla Sky Unreality with the Narcissist | Let Me Reach with Kim Saeed, FAQ Friday 5 Common Questions About the Common Narcissist | Let Me Reach with Kim Saeed. I thought nothing of it at the time, as I was just being myself. I feel blessed that i came across your blog along with one other, there is so much false information out there, unfortunately some Narcissistic Abuse forums become the Narcissist,s playground set up to hunt for their next pound of flesh. His mask falls so quick when he cant get what he wants. Confirm you had be eloquent enough and hope is nana is better.. Then finally, as I am actually feeling better these days, starting to discover I have thoughts of flying fluttering around in my mind, visiting other pilots and even getting up to the launching places I have yet to fly but I trust that this will come soon so while I am manifestly getting better and confronting the anxiety and the confidence issues related to the abuses I have suffered this olive branch suddenly places my re-integration in a frame made by the narcissist. And thats a good thing. Well each one my ex has viewed. Sometimes I feel really light when I remember I am free from all the bullshit. Hi Kim, after my relationship with one, I did quite a bit of reading and learned a lot about them. Ive realized something very scaryMy ex Narc and I share something in commonWE ARE BOTH IN LOVE WITH HIS FAKE IMAGE. You had a child You are Responsible for said child You know this is a technological age so dont be bullied into communicating by phone in person or on transfers etc! So, you know better about your situation. Answer (1 of 40): 1. That is something that will take time. Whether they believe the narcissist or not is irrelevant, theyve sown a seed of doubt so that when you do tell your side of the story, theyre skeptical. Seven months later. I have spent my whole life with narcissistic men beginning with my father. Mine doesnt do many of the overtly mean things that people write about. Regardless of how it happened, this exit is a destructive question that leaves a black hole in the foundation of our lives. I doubt it seriously, but thanks for the input. When I went back to school and finished my degree and when I began teaching a class at church that the pastor wouldnt allow him to teach all hell broke loose. No means no and thats what she has violated a lot of timesacting like a 10 year oldseeking revenge and such etc.. So instead of cutting ties completely, you wonder whether you can be friends with your ex. I know two men that have had narc ex-wives and they are crazy womenjust as mentally sick as my ex. Narcs will ALWAYS hang themselves when you give them enough rope. Anupturnedsoul opened my eyes to something I didnt know. Why so long?? Keeping you mine. I didnt know it at the time as I was told I was the problem and that she needed some space to find herself. There is also the false assumption that people are too naive and trusting. Imagine being a woman in an extremely religious lifestyle (Amish, Mennonite, etc) where you are taught to be submissive and beneath your husband and men in general and are dealing with narcassism . I want to have a loving partner and its making me self sabotage in ways that I cant even explain. If you are like me, we are natural protectors and want the very best for the woman in our lives. What do I mean by need? its so sad to think how much time / money I have wasted on this girl. When i came home after two days. He didnt understand because he thought we would be friends i only agreed to keep the peace but as I told you, when I thought about it I realized he had no right to have any access to me. I moved to dayton , ohio met a narcassist named quan i am a widow he sought me out . He figured if he stayed away long enough I would forget his horrible words. -Overall disinterest in partners family and/or friends But sadly I dont see that happening. In hindsight, I realize it was a mistake. The pain is so deep. I think too many people take this dont demonize the other parent bit too far. Dont beat yourself up for breaking it the first time. I am in no contact since four months. Thank you for sharing your experience, Josi. Like my father was. -Controlling The next best thing is to create a scenario in which the narcissist would never want to contact you because they would have nothing to gain. That is what I seen in my ex. He parades her around, introduced her to his family, now contacting our old friends he ignored since divorce, but he is totally hiding her from me. There is also pure NPD. I wont ever be again. A full-on communication stop after a breakup is rare these days. I have to orders on my ex narcissist and he has come back. I will always have the best side of him in my memories, so I honor that and try to be at peace with the rest. My story is a little different I THINK. He went off again, screaming, repeatedly calling (I forgot to block my new number when I called him so he had my # again), sent many emails saying horrible things. He cant be a friend and you know this. I think they see the vulnerability, the good in people and exploit it. Present day he has come crying back to me wanting to work on things I have given in twice and found that after a couple weeks of my return his attempt to make things right dwindled and began to fall into the same pattern. My question is: from someone who has never exhibited violent tendencies, but is clearly NPD and Antisocial personality disorder should I be concerned for my safety from here on in? You cant imagine how many of us went (or are still going) through the same hell as you This blog is one of the best I have ever found since I woke up in 2007, for reliable, thorough, and most of all not judgmental info. Just stay away and let the new supply figure it out for herself. Please tell me what helped you. We are now threats to them. And its true what they say about NC. Specifically, Narcs cannot have intimate bonds of friendship. The fact that she told me what a nice guy this person is makes me wonder why he has not been used up as well. Get any documentation together that you can that might prove your Ex isnt fit to be your childs primary custodian,which might include any threatening texts and emails, any charges he may have against him for abuse, drugs, or alcohol. He studied at the University of Amsterdam and has a bachelor's in Clinical Psychology. Telling him hes a Narc would only gets his back up and make him attack like a snake. U expressed the thought the man I met is not the one I left. I can tolerate that but not abuse. All I can hope for w/ my NPD/BPD is that Life serves him a cold dish of karma, and perhaps a nice swift kick right where he needs it, so the he wont be so obsessed w/ funstuff, or play a person like a toy for a long, long whileand I hope Ill be around to hear about it. Reading Suggestion: The Narcissist Discard phase. How do you get someone who keeps calling your number while you NEVER answer it to leave you alone? I see very little on discussion boards about gay male narcissists, but they are also out there. Two weeks later, the ex began calling & texting for the next three weeks, several times a week. I called out his lies in front of people and came off looking crazy. Then, she blocks me. I loathe and love him simultaneously. His point is, that the traditional psychoanalytical approaches are very much applicable to all the neurotics (people with emotions, insane or healthy), BUT NOT THE DISTURBED CHARATERS, BECAUSE DEEP DOWN IMPLYES THEIR ACTING ON SUBCONCIOUS, AND THESE CHARACTERS KNOW EXACTLY WHAT THEY ARE DOING, THUS ACT CONCIOUSLY. He texts me last night angry and drunk (super attractive that is lol) and I responded one time, quite rudely, and then blocked the bastards number and went to sleep. Narcissists keep us tethered to them by something we cant explainuntil either they or we cut the cord for good. Ps..Even when I told him not to contact me again, my heart was breaking because even tho it was the right thing to do, it was hard to sever the connection for good. Even after he blew up and sent me 20 emails in a 10 hour period over the summer blasting my character and career failures, threatening me, he STILL had the gall to behave self righteously when I asked for no contact. Its a terrible brain wash these creatures put us through. I thought I was the one that was crazy, not a good person, inadequate, didnt make enough money, didnt do the right thing, couldnt keep it together. We have all been there. Hi Eden, thats a tricky one because she may not believe you if you tell her what you suspect. Narcissists never really break up with you in the traditional sense. Reading Suggestion: How to make a Narcissist Miserable? I caught him lying about another girl again, my best friend that hes living with he left me and went right to her house, Im assiming its not innocent like they say is it? I called him a lost soul. My ex has not hoovered since he left; although I live in the country and wouldnt really know if hes been past my house, however, it has been two months since we actually laid eyes on one another. Haha! A few months later I stumbled upon narcissism online, and all the behavior fell into place. We analyze to death just to understand. I signed away rught to sue the cityand had a record of spousal abuse. He knows its a matter of time that i will be on my feet again. Thank you for mentioning Upturned Souls blog Shes brilliant! But as was the case with you, and all the partners they had before you, the new supply will eventually be devalued and discarded, too. I put her growing abusive and physical temper down to myself and not being good enough for her. All he wants is someone to give him supply whether good for bad. This woman you dated is pure slime. I nicely asked him for respect and told him what he was doing was verbally abusive. At least I hope! You can probably google it. She would eventually apologize to me, and mention she did not mean to hurt me and that I am such a great person and such. -Isolation They even manipulate you to believe that you are a drama queen or some kind of a very sensitive person. Never did it occur that I would, but heres my advice: Dont attack. 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