January 26, 2013. She has always been a daddys girl and he is her main attachment figure despite not being her main carer. Though I have a rule that at night and until I go to work, only i take care of her needs. Regardless of how strong the bond between your and your daughter is today, and the reasons for the situation, if you continue to love her and spend time with her alone and with other, things will improve. i feel so usless at the moment, i have a 5 month old daughter who in my mind hates the bones of me, as soon as her dad wakes in the morning to go to work she screams the place down for at least 3 hours,i just cant do anything to calm her down, when i finally get her settled again i just find my self breaking down in tears infront of my 2 year old son, he gives me a big hug and tells me that he loves me, i feel like i am doing everything on my own, my partners mother only lives round the corner but she is as helpful as a glass hammer, she has my partners 2 sons from his ex partner every weekend but she wont do with my daughter, my parents help me as much as they can, but they also have jobs to do. Find reliable childcare Getting childcare is one of the toughest aspects of going back to work. My Baby Doesnt Want Me and Im The Mom!? Try "introducing the mouth to the bottle" rather than trying to get the baby to drink. I am just grateful to know this happens in other cases. Try bub sitting facing away from the caregiver. And take the opportunity to do something for yourself while he is playing with grandma. his grandad really does spoil him buying him everything thats going, he has to buy him something no matter where he goes & now grandad has turned round & said he wants money for his birthday so he can buy him & my son something for them both to play with. If I feed him, he fusses, straightens. for example, is perfect for a baby with separation anxiety. Paula, Stay At Home Mom Rejected By Baby While he seems to love me insofar as he smiles at me and reaches for me, he doesnt really notice if I leave to go in to another room or whatever. I dont usually do online chatting, but I needed to get this off my chest. She seems to want her father more and will only laugh at me. It sounds similar to what many of you have posted, and Im glad to know that Im not the only one going through this. It really hurts me. I dont know what to do. I have a 11 month old little girl. It makes me regret being a mother sometimes. When they put him on my chest right after delivery it was the most beautiful moment of my life. Try rocking gently whilst feeding. And then a last piece of advice ask your mom to help you do the running around fixing things so that you can spend as much time as possible with your little girl. But it is by no means too late. This baffles me. I have only returned this week to work after 11 months off with my 11 month old baby girl. I am so sad. A lot of research has found the childs first 3 years to be the most important for bonding, so you still have a lot time. I feel rejected by my man, I have asked many times why? It makes me very sad because she tried so hard for her and I feel like I waited my whole life to have a child and she is our only one and now I wonder what I am doing that is so wrong. Is it common that a baby rejects mom after going back to work? If i let her have her way, ill never get to be with her because she never wants me. Thank you SO much for writing about this!! I try to be a good mum, I stay at home and try to take her out every day to do new things, I play with her and sing her songs. Im so happy he still wants to breastfeed though and didnt completely write me off but he just doesnt seem happy to see me like he did his daddy and that hurts so much especially since I cried cause I missed him so much. Our song hs never stoppd being sung even my hsband ws around. I hope its just a phase. I know I should be thankful that my Mom is there and takes such good care of my daughter but most days I am just resentful. Sometimes the distraction of being outside together will help so that she does not focus on dad being away. Ive reached the point where I want to leave my house and just leave her and my husband alone so see how they would make it without me. It is hard. Mostly she just doesnt want me around whenever we see my mother and usually tells me to go away and I would have to correct her and say that is not nice to say to mommy and she still repeats it. Hi my 9 1/2 month old boy is with me all day since birth now daddy is home with me since he got laid off I do everything for him. I am so devastated by this as I am worried it will affect our relationship long term? So, doing all these these boring things, like putting her to bed, diapering, eating and so on, really should be made as enjoyable as possible. If must be terribly hard to be away so much from your family and then come home and not feel welcome. You are not the only mother this has happened to. 2 weeks after I had my baby boy I got Post Partum Depression very very bad but I wasnt pushing my baby away I would feed him and play with him everything that I could do for him not to feel my anxiety and depression I am finally out of this depression but I noticed that my son (11 months) would rather be with his aunt than me. It makes me feel that its just a natural thing for some children to have a preference, but I hope it is just a phase cause I cant cope with it. He goes to grandma no matter what but me no its very hard not to get upset but I cant even write a sentence without crying now. Just feel depressed that my 11-month-old does not want me and prefers my mom all the time its my fault.. due to certain unavoidable circumstances I had to leave her with my parents in my home country for 5 months, and now I am reunited with her (at 10 months)..its been a month with her now.. Ive been trying to bring her around to like me.. she does like me, I spend quite some time with her. If it is new, I dont think you need to worry very much; it will pass. Do you hug, cuddle, and laugh together? :) :) :). Now at 10 months old, she treated me with the same fondness and love that she had showed my husband during her early months. Can someone please advise me on what to do? Try and make him happy. You are so sweet and encouraging!! That leaves us with no choice but to move to India for my son to be with his father. by Ashley Jones July 13, 2021 Everything that happens in your life once you have a baby just feels different.. And even use the same child care you plan to use when you go back to work, if possible. So, maybe this isnt something thats recognized by a small child, but its eventually recognized, in my opinion. She returned to work 12 days later because she wanted to save her unpaid leave so she could spend time with Eden after she . But she adores my husband (and he hardly spends any time with her at all). I was nothing more than a pain in the ass to her. I can understand that your sons behavior is making you sad. But I feel like there are some differences, too. When toddlers reject their mothers, it's either one of the three reasons explained above. She even slapped me in the face. she doesnt want him to hold her or talk to him. Since she was born my parents have always been around helping and visiting. After reading these posts I made sure to remain absolutely calm and neutral and not get teary or upset when he preferred his daddy over me. I think for young babies, being reminded of the other parent can be too painful to endure. Try carrying your baby's photo with you at your workplace. Please help..I think I am loosing my mind.. Is there anything i can do to help them bond? Choosing which wars to fight as a parent makes a big difference. Im a stay at home mom and spend pretty much all my time with her. Our job is then to not take it personally, not reinforce it by showing strong emotions, but simply allow our children to for some reason need one parent more than the other from time to time, It is painful, but it is normal development. She also wont let me give her the bedtime bottle- she screams- it has to be done by Daddy. Thats good too; try to see that. I try to comfort him even when hes inconsolable and even when he doesnt seem to want me. Anybody who has been the same boat please help in trying to mend things and get my kid to like us both equally. My partner goes away and when I am on my own we have a perfect routine and daddy comes home, she hits me and pushes me away. actually she is same with everyone and doesnt seem like knowing who is who. Since she was born, she bonded with my husband and my mother but not with me. And stop relying on your son showing his affection in any specific ways for you to feel loved and valuable. Baby swim classes, where the parent is with the child in water (if the baby likes it, of course) is a wonderful way to have fun together, for example.). that Im not the only one whos going through something like this. I was born to an ignorant mother who failed to nurture me. Trust me, I feel it too now and then and husband even more, who has been the one NOT chosen especially by our youngest. I have not seen the same reaction for me. Again research has shown that children who are picked up often, carried around if they ask for it, and so on, become secure enough to leave their parents arms faster than the children who are not allowed to be close to their parents. That is an excellent way to allow the two of you to bond. Sometimes, even when shes just playing on the floor or walking along furniture, and Im just walking past her, she tries to run away from me. thanks all for listening to me & i will take every reply seriously. My Mom is the one that takes care of most things around the house while I am working. Does anyone have any success stories in terms of their baby eventually being more bonded to them? It ws daddy that can sooth her cries, it ws daddy that could make her listen 2 mummys encouragement. Also, its kind of like when you go on holiday and leave your cat, when you come home the cat can be pretty miffed with you for leaving them, it can take a while for them to come round. Ive experienced this rejection since she is about 3 months old, but it is now that she expresses herself that it is really affecting me and I just dont know how to cope with it anymore. But again, to keep you in their minds even when youre not there, both recordings and video conversations might be good. May God help us all. Before they head back to work after baby, send a text to brighten their day. my in-laws dun understand wen i tells them. I feel like why I didnt die when she was born. Ive loved him madly ever since and do everything for him. but, really, we'll be alright. I used to have a very tight relationship with my parents. I couldnt find any info about it happening to any other mothers at the time, I bf and did everything for her, perfect housewife and mother but she still was so hurtful to me. Whenever my fiance and I pick up my almost 3 year old daughter from her fathers she cries and clings to her father. it was really a funny yet a touching experience for us. Im Paula and you can read about this website and how it all started here. I wonder why this isnt written about or talked about more widely. Your daughter loves you pretty much more than anything in the world. So it did happen, but it took awhile and, like I wrote before, he still prefers my partner maybe 60-70% of the time (again only when the stark choice is between us only). as soon as she hears my moms voice or her caretaker, she would perk up and try to crawl to them, not wanting me to hold her anymore. Why is that so? If he feels scared or sick she is the only person who can comfort him. Use this time to get down on the floor and play with her, take a bath together, read her a story, curl up in bed and tell her a bed story or sing to her or do whatever she loves doing. She adores me but her daddy not so much. But from what you write, it sounds like this is a fairly new thing? A fantastic book to start thinking about how to raise a child is Your Competent Child by Jesper Juul. Sometimes I just want to give up and let her be. his my world!! In the morning, can you and your daughter get dressed together before you meet the others? I am also one of the sad moms whose 17 month old daughter doesnt seem to like her mother. She should be proud to have raised such a loving mom. I know it is hard and scary and painful after many months of being pregnant and then being everything for a child. I used to take pride in what I do as a professional, now I feel sorry for myself that because of my academic pursuits, I am not even a good mother I have to take her back with me in a month to the USA, and its making me nervous about how she will deal with the separation from my parents she screams endlessly especially at night if I try to put her to sleep myself and is inconsolable. The short answer to that question is, thankfully, no. I have 11 month old baby and until 3 weeks ago I was 24 hours with him. Unfortunately she has developed a deep bond with my mother (as to be expected) and not me. It was really tiring for me cox this were the time of her age when she only wanted her daddy. I come from work and he doesnt care if I am there I feel horrible because if my sister comes he gets so so happy and he crawls so fast to her and he wants her to carry him I get so sad but I keep it inside until tonight I just couldnt I cried and thought does he not love me? I cry all the time. Just remember you are a good mother for having these feelings!! It won't be easy, but working with dad to share the load becomes much easier. Sep. 5, 2016. Running away like that is completely unacceptable. Create boundaries and routines that support ample family and . We have great fun when its just the two of us, playing and laughing. Join her in her happiness when dad come home and let her know that her love of dad is OK. I do the same, care, dress, cook, feed, bottle. I am sure you mean really well, but in a way you are saying that you need behave badly for her to appear as a good mom, i.e. Reclaim your motherhood of your child. Paula, please give me some advice! She's 9 weeks and we started introducing at 4 weeks. i feel sad and discouraged i know that i shouldnt show it to her.. but i often wonder where i went wrong. But in your case, I would say that this is not a relevant worry! Recently, its really been getting to me. I have an 8 month old daughter. They all saw it for themselves as we were all on holiday together, but its my girlfriends mum & dad not mine but she doesnt see a problem but only a farther will tell. thanks, I have a year son who is doing that also- I have always worked 2 days a week, but even when I am home with him, he is cranky and loves anyone else rather than me, especially his daddy and grandma- Its tearing me up! I think its about time she stood up to her dad & told him but she as always been scared of him just like her older brother scared to say boo. I get jealous sometimes, and I wish that this was easier. That is not to say that you dont have a real problem. Im assuming this is not the case with you, obviously. Everyone has told me that boys love their mommy and Im sure he does but I wish he didnt do that because like the other moms on this site, it really hurts my feelings. I used to adore my parents to death. Other babies become extremely attached to that person any time she or he is around. Im a stay at home mom so Im with her everyday. Paula, do you think its because of the association with bad things?? have a 7 month old baby and have been going through the same thing ever since he was born. What he really needs might be to have more fun and more time with his dad. I work 4 full days a week and am with him without fail 24/7 the other 3. One thing's for sure: he wants nothing to do with you. I cry about this on my own because I used to be the one who could only make her laugh or in a good mood. Step 1: Bring the nipple (no bottle attached) to the baby's mouth and rub it along the baby's gums and inner cheeks, allowing the baby to get used to the feeling and texture of the nipple. Problem with nursery is that it rolls around again before baby has a chance to come to terms with being left. What happened? Most times I doubt she even knows that I am her mother. Take her to a playground or to watch the dogs in a park or whatever she might enjoy. Can I give you a challenge? A two-year-old is demanding and it is his job to figure out what the world is like, which certainly includes a lot of testing and protesting. It really hurts. 1. What can I do? It isn't exactly easy, balancing the needs of your child with likely way less sleep than you're used to, while trying to be the same employee you were before you left. (, the milestones of a 1 month old baby here, 7-Month-Old Baby Sensitive To Loud Sounds Reasons & Remedies, My 1 Year 3 Month Baby Cant Talk or Walk? My daughter is now almost 10 months old and cries even when I walk by. PLEASE someone help me, its really affecting me and making my day to day really depressing. Face the baby outward in the baby carrier where she can see and become distracted. For the mom with low milk supply who is supplementing with bottles her baby may start refusing to breastfeed. There will be days and periods when all he does is yell at you. so that she wont see me as a monster trying to take her away? I feel terrible when I get home from work and reach out for her and she doesnt want to come with me, we have so much fun together! They dont remember, they dont understand why and it all becomes a hopeless power struggle. Mostly because he or she is a baby who really has no idea what "work" is, but also because you're a good mom who loves her baby no matter what. My Mil also doesnt treat me well and still my child goes to her unknowingly. She is my first child and she is the most pleasant little thing ever so I dont understand why she doesnt all of the sudden not want nothing to do with me. My husband sees him an hour per day if that and goes out of town a lot. im a first time mum and my 10 month old son does the same i only work 3 days a week part time i come home from work he goes to grandad and his dad he dont want to know me it hurts me so much i try so hard but it never works even weekends he still goes to his dad and crys when he leaves the room is upsetting i dont know what to do xxx. 1. They might have some preference at 1 point or the other, bt just continue loving them and they wd return it back eventually. A new baby has arrived, and mom is busy being a mom! Mom gets into the bathtub, full of warm (not hot) water with baby. we have gotten into many fights because she is always questioning all i do and getting involved with me and him since i came home from the hospital every single morning she came in the room and took him at first i though it was OK but ten she never stopped and when I didnt wanna give her to him she slammed the door or would get mad. Assess your breastfeeding status If your baby is just a few weeks old and you must return to work, you may feel breastfeeding is not yet well established. it felt so good reading all the posts and knowing that out there, there were so many mums who felt the same as I did. I started wrk after 4 mths of her birth . Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. Its hard to deal with every time and heart-breaking. As soon as I pass him to someone else he is quiet immediately. This could change any day. He doesnt kiss, hug or cuddle with me. Also, when you come home, try to be together with them together with your wife as much as possible, so that their separation anxiety regarding mom doesnt come between the three of you. :**(, Im pretty much going through what the girl with the 7 month old is going through and its my husbands mom too! Fight for your baby. I take care of my son and love him and do the very best I can. Adjustment takes time. We may not do much and I am stern when it comes to bad behavior but she cries a lot and asks where daddy is. Read on for tips on how to make it work for you and your baby. but when my wife is around, Im nobody, she wont come to me, no kisses or hugs, she will scream and cry for mum to hold her, especially if I pick her up. why does he do this?? Sadly even then I think this hard-wiring can persist until well into school years, maybe beyond. The situation must be painful for you. - Author Lori Mihalich-Levin in Back to Work After Baby: How to Plan and Navigate a Mindful Return From Maternity Leave.". Who would have thought that a tiny little mite like her could devestate me. This is the age when separation anxiety and stranger anxiety may come in full force. Eventually I had to admit that this was not helping either her or me and quit with breastfeeding, something that hurts me to my core. I always thought it was because I am a working mum but it seems that even stay home mums have this problem. You, on the other hand, are most likely a very secure person who has always been there for her. When I go to pick her up from day care, she wont even respond when she sees me. why does my 17 month old ignore me?? If your baby is upset, she will likely begin to calm down. And when were playing all together on the floor he always goes to her over me. It seems like just in the last two months that all of sudden, she doesnt want me anymore. My dad says its because she can feel who really loves her. Allow a drip or two go into your baby's mouth, then try to insert the bottle nipple into your baby's mouth. Thank you so much for your reply. I am drained to the point where I This is apparently common and it is only frustrating when some outsiders try to make you feel bad about it (they usually have no kids or they are judgmental). Starting earlier is sometimes suggested to prevent bottle refusal. But he just doesnt seem to need me. But it seems she does. So Ive tried to improve, and honestly, Ive seen positive results very quickly. I think you do have a problem. Im starting to become resentful of my husband (who is not taking me seriously at all) and even worse my son xx. I made a point to kiss him and cheerfully say things like Oh, you want to play with Dadda? Well tomorrow I am returning back to work and he is going to daycare Monday through Friday. Toddler Rejecting Mom After New Baby. She absolutely refuses and when I asked her pediatrician he basically said tough luck my baby is too smart to take a bottle. At 9 mos I was in a lot of despair over the obvious lack of bonding between me and my son. And you know what? He will go to my parents or my husband before he would come to me. When you feed her, take your top off or at least pull it up even if you bottle-feed. But, I do know I cant wallow. Seventy-five percent of the women Brody surveyed said they wished they had been able to take a longer maternity leave. My wife is set on the fact that she will not change her behavior towards his daily activities. Recently, ive had the exact same problem with my 16 month old baby, after i took 3 months off work and back to work a month ago. She cries hysterically when she hears her mothers voice on the phone and starts saying No No No. Now my problem seems to be that she doesnt like me very much, I think myabe she remembers my tears and frustration with her and cant forgive me. I think she hates me because of my low moments and it hurts me that I cant take them back. My mom stayed with me for the first four months to help me out. As soon as she sees me she crys my mamma and whines and doesnt want him to come near her or even talk to her. I am worried my baby will have emotional problems in the future ? The sun will rise tomorrow, and tomorrow is a fresh start. Which is great but I feel useless. Instead of turning your relationship into a power struggle, (trying to make him say mommy, for example), be proud of how much you have helped him to grow already! She cant even choose not to, because you are her mom. I have a 3 year old with whom I am going through a very same problem and I am having a really tough time with it. It breaks my heart when she cries and kicks when daddy leaves her alone with me. My daughter just turned one. If you do, say for a month, please let me know if you notice any improvement in your relationship! You and your wife disagree on how to deal with several issues regarding your son and you take on the role of being the one disciplining him. I mean, how could we not be depressed when our babies seem to reject us? Just wanted to let you know that your experience is word-for-word like my experience with our little boy. There are a few things you should have on your list during the discussion: Say he only listens to his dad and not me, not sure what to do , he is 7. But all this can be easily changed! Unfortunately I allow my feelings to get hurt too easily. But I really found some comfort when I found this thread and read about other parents similar experiences. Unrequited love hey. Im ready to walk but want to be there for my children & my girlfriend is due again in December with another little boy. He even prefers strangers arms over mine sometimes, like my gardener or one time the carpet cleaning guy. Fertility benefits increase loyalty, productivity, and fulfillment. I feel like shes afraid that everytime I pick her up Im taking her to do something she doesnt like or finds unpleasant. I just wanted to post an update and some encouragement that things really do get better with time. Pump or hand express your milk. Around 12 weeks or so, speak with your boss about the details of your maternity leave. Daddy is a play toy and thinks he comes and goes and is fun, but deep down I know she loves me and cant live without me. Ive made the comment to my husband on several occasions, but now that my daughter is 3 and expresses herself verbally it is really affecting me. Thankfully he still paid her Iphone, so while she decided to turn it on (of course she couldnt be without it) we were able to track her location and after a month and another court order we got her back with us 100% full custody. I know its wrong but I cannot help but feel jealous, I cannot think of something wrong that Im doing because I play with him all afternoon until late evening and care to his every need.. I just persevered like you, and it really did get better. Try to let her keep it any way you can (but not on the phone for such a little girl). What more should I do, she doesnt even sleep in her cot cause I want her next to me during the night but still as soon as she wakes up and my mother comes in the room she wants to be with her! I am sure that one day, he will know who his mother is and what she did for him. Im a married mom with a 14 month old son who is obsessed with his dad and treats me like garbage a lot of the time. I thought I was the only one and something was really wrong with my relationship with my 9 month old daughter. We now understand that this is just a phase and will follow through on your suggestions, Well i am very upset these days my problem is when i use to come back from home my baby didnt comes to me he goes to everyones hand except me i use to cry at night daily of this reason i have fear that he will forget me forever and the attachment will not develop between me and with my baby in 24 hrs he use to come in my hand for only 1 hr.Will my baby forgets me forever or will not i use to wait daily for him at office to meet him as soon as possible but he doesnt gives any reaction to me when i come to home,i am very tensed please give solid solution as he is closed to his grandma and with my brother-in-law. Ive been really upset about in the last few days, crying about it and even getting cross about it. My mother says she must feel secure with me and to be happy she has such a good relationship with her fatherand I am. In conclusion, it is a painful when a baby rejects mom or dad. 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