If George Washington were alive today, why couldnt he throw a silver dollar across the Potomac? Whats the difference between a duck and George Washington? We both died on Friday by gunshot to the head. Little Johnny answers, "He wanted man to talk freely at least once in his life.". This then repeats a third day and at that point the guard asks "why do you keep coming back when I've already told you that Trump is no longer president" to which the man replies "Because it's a big relief whenever I hear that Trump is no longer president". But I guess comparing apples to oranges is unfair. "** In 1968, President Richard Nixon joined the set of Rowan & Martin's Laugh-In. "No, the other one.". Either way, the economy is still Fd. Jay Lenoif(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'humoropedia_com-large-mobile-banner-1','ezslot_7',603,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-humoropedia_com-large-mobile-banner-1-0');if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'humoropedia_com-large-mobile-banner-1','ezslot_8',603,'0','1'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-humoropedia_com-large-mobile-banner-1-0_1');.large-mobile-banner-1-multi-603{border:none!important;display:block!important;float:none!important;line-height:0;margin-bottom:7px!important;margin-left:auto!important;margin-right:auto!important;margin-top:7px!important;max-width:100%!important;min-height:250px;padding:0;text-align:center!important}, Today, by the way, is our president, President Obamas, one-year anniversary in office. "Well, maybe because I'm honest about it". The US Postal Services releases a stamp with a picture of President Trump. Last week AARP asked Joe Biden, "Boxers or briefs"? Taxi driver just grinned and said give me a clue? if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,600],'humoropedia_com-box-4','ezslot_6',196,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-humoropedia_com-box-4-0'); Q: What did Osama Bin Ladens ghost say to Mitt Romney? Birthday Burn. 9. Between you and me, something smells. He can't believe what's happening. See more ideas about funny, bones funny, funny quotes. In a booming voice Stalin asks, "WHO DID THAT?". You go on ahead while I give these two a lift! Whats the difference between a platypus and George Washington? One has a bill on his face, the other has his face on a bill. Suddenly the right rear horse lets fly the most horrendous earth shattering fart ever heard in the British Empire. Its not so funny now but your grand children will laugh. That man would do just about anything to avoid paying the taxes. 11. 5. If you think youve found any presidents jokes that are as funny or perhaps even funnier upload them at the bottom of this page. "You, great president! The consent submitted will only be used for data processing originating from this website. You are older than any of them, sicker than Clinton and even more insane than Trump? Only Trump would pay $500k for $0.50 Now do you know why his father didnt punish him? Little Johnny replied, Because he still had the axe in his hand.. It's like the mobile equivalent of our presidential election! Johnny was astounded and asked the teacher to provide some evidence. "I want you inside me." 3. Nothing at all, boss. What did George Washington say to his men before they crossed the Delaware? 10 Best Chris Christie Jokes Dad: "The girl is Bill Gate's daughter." The good news is we've done a dna test on the urine, and found the culprit. Says a nation that hasn't gotten over the death of a gorilla in 6 months. From Groucho Marx to the Borscht Belt to Sarah Silverman, many of America's best-known comedians have been Jewish. I just done finished a jigsaw puzzle in record time!" The President beamed. he asks. I can walk up to the Kremlin, demand to see Putin, and tell him I don't like the way President Biden is running his country." Why did George Washington have trouble sleeping?. In one room, the President sees a male patient masturbating furiously. The best American Presidents were stoned. These work-friendly jokes are safe for sharing at the office. **His assistant said, "I couldn't tell, the casket was closed. 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Action will delineate and define you." -Thomas Jefferson. What did George Washington say to his men before crossing the Delaware? Get in the boat, What will the American people say to President Trump if he gets impeached? Youre fired!. If you would like to change your settings or withdraw consent at any time, the link to do so is in our privacy policy accessible from our home page.. She can now call herself The First Lady instead of The Third Wife. George Burns. Next morning, still surprised by la. So, Trump with Mike Pence visits institutions around US to see what he can do to make infrastructure better for people. Theyre supposed to keep the President in the dark. The waiter asks the President what he'd like to order. I thought his campaign wasn't for late term abortions. 12 / 14. \*\* 15. While lacking sketch comedy ability, Nixon did give the nation a new catchphrase: "Sock it to me!" First he lied on one side, then he lied on the other. "65 rubles, sir", replies the bartender. ", says the boy. By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere. Get tissue and clean nose print from lens. Left in the plane is an old man and a young school boy. The teacher asked little Johnny, Johnny, do you know Lincolns Gettysburg Address?, Little Johnny replied, No, Miss. Oh my gourd, I'm stuffed. It's the first thing he's done to combat inflation. when from somewhere near the front of the crowd comes a DEAFENING sneeze, cutting him off. In general terms. What important historical fact can one learn from Mount Rushmore? The best American Presidents were stoned. There were 4 passengers on board, but only 3 parachutes. Rutherford B. Hayes This president also happened to invent the swivel chair.. All I had to do was tell him that 5 of the 6 presidential candidates are retarded. My family told me to stop telling Thanksgiving jokes, but I said I couldn't quit cold turkey. In the piano! Dad: "My son is the CEO of the World Bank." One day Mr. Smith, the president of a large corporation, called his vice-president, Dave, into his office and said, "We're making some cutbacks, so either Jack or Barbara will have to be laid off." . but then I realized that I'm comparing apples to oranges, Dad: "I want you to marry a girl of my choice." He asks a boy: "Who is your true mother?". 8. Then we'd really have a Kenyan in office. A scientist says to him "We have two projects that we are very proud of. Whos there? Abraham Lincoln Abraham Lincoln who? Seriously? You must have done terrible in history class. He should have his cabinet together by the end of the week. Because he couldnt lie. Now, what did you say was the bad news? President Clinton looks up from his desk in the Oval Office to see one of his aides nervously approach him. To view the purposes they believe they have legitimate interest for, or to object to this data processing use the vendor list link below. The man comes back the next day and again asks to speak to president Trump. Whether you're a fan of practical jokes or satire, read on for some humorous takes on primaries, reelection, and the reelect! Did you hear about the Italian chef that died? He said, "Don't worry, the US will be OK.". His first act is to issue an executive order to the U.S. Mint. " The driver, a Catholic, is eager to please, so he asks the Pope if there's anything he can provide, to which the Pope says: A Russian asks for a meeting with the President. The virus has been shown to affect lungs, not assholes. Are you retarded? Joe Biden formally announcing his run for president Bernie Sanders: I am running Andrew Yang: I am running Kamala Harris: I am running Elizabeth Warren: I am running Joe Biden: Me too It's 2021, and President Joe Biden is told he needs to assemble a cabinet Coming back from IKEA, he realizes he's greatly misunderstood the task I thought he lived in Washington!" Where did George Washington buy his hatchet? At the chopping mall. "Comrade President! Lord Farquaad, voiced by John Lithgow, is an intensely dislikable character. Not surprisingly, they end up in Hell. Now it is up to Congress to hold a joint session. In class one day, the teacher pulled little Johnny over to her desk after a test, and said, Johnny, I have a feeling that you have been cheating on your tests.. Aides say he was merely taking a Covfefe break. Continue with Recommended Cookies. First woman: My son visited me for summer vacation. The computer picked up a 80-year-old one-legged man from mental hospital in Georgia. Giphy. One leads the land, the other lands the lead. Trump says, Oh! Hillary looks back at Bill and says I'd be married to the President of the United States Biden responded, "Depends". So the American people's choices for President will apparently be either Donald Trump or Hillary Clinton. ; Employee development Grow and retain your people with the only personalized solution for effective, continuous development. Author: laffgaff.com Date Published: 05/12/2021 Ratings: 3.62 Highest Ratings: 5 Lowest Ratings: 1 Excerpt: Presidents' Day Jokes And Puns. In fact, they made a pact that someday, one of them would by the president of the United States. If you are looking for a way to get an adult out of their grumpy mood, then these funny jokes are just what you need! She said that its the day the President walks out of the White House and if he sees his shadow we have one more year of bull. None, theyre meant to keep the president in the dark. "Go on take the last one", the old man said, "I lived a long and fulfilled life." A Secret Service agent, new on the job, shouts Mickey Mouse! 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Just done finished a jigsaw puzzle in record time! & quot ; a long and fulfilled life. on... 10 Best Chris Christie jokes Dad: `` the girl is bill Gate 's.. In a booming voice Stalin asks, `` Boxers or briefs '' we 'd really a...